Single Dude's/Chick's Day

In defiance of this most-hated day of the year, February 14th (aka Valentine's Day) I propose a new holiday to celebrate the wondrous gift to the world that is the Single Man or the Single Woman.

You see, the world all ready has holidays for lovers (Valentines Day, February 14th), Mothers (Mother's Day, 2nd Sunday in May), Fathers (Father's Day, 3rd Sunday in June), grandparents (National Grandparent's Day, first sunday after Labor Day), freaking pirates (Talk Like a Pirate Day, September 19th), and so forth. Strangely, us single folks have been omitted from the cavalcade of annual celebrations. I propose to change this by instituting Single Dude's Day and Single Chick's Day.

Single Dude's Day - A national celebration of masculine solitude and of all things associated with the male bachelor. The traditional observance of Single Dude's Day will include the following:

1. Single Dudes have no use for flowers or chocolate. Gifts of sports memorabilia, weaponry, beef jerky (or venison jerky, an acceptable alternative), and whiskey are more appropriate.
2. Greeting cards are not necessary, but if used must include at least one image of a half-naked woman.
3. Phone calls from loved ones and family are mandatory and must be positive in nature. Harassing a single dude because he "hasn't settled down yet" is strictly prohibited and taboo. Acceptable alternatives include telling a single dude "You really look good when you don't shave or comb your hair," or "Yes, I really enjoy your old Thundercats figurines as well."



Because this is awesome.



Single Chick's Day - A national day of mourning for feminine solitude, observance includes:

1. Constant bombardment with flowers and chocolate, possibly via air drop, in a desparate attempt to let the Single Chick know that "someone cares out there."
2. Greeting cards are mandatory and must be oversized, dripping with glitter, and scented of fresh Tunisian jasmine and apricots. Cards should feature images of kittens, naked firefighters, or of happy couples being eaten by velociraptors.
3. Phone calls from loved ones are mandatory as well and should be overly cheerful in nature. Loved ones and family should compliment the Single Chick's every endeavor however foolhardy or naive/manipulative. Also, calls should contain several overly positive references to the Single Chick's hairstyle, current physical appearance, and/or shoe collection.

What, no black pumps?!

Now, all we need is to set a date for these holidays. August doesn't have too much going on, lets do it then.

P.S. - I all ready have a set of shuriken, so if you buy me weaponry please send something besides ninja throwing stars.