Nuisance Log Part 2 - I Hate Wires and String

I haven't added to the Nuisance Log since December of last year for some reason. Honestly, there was so much that bothered me that I felt a better way to deal with it all was to go totally ape-shit, throw things violently at walls, curse a lot, and, as usual, shake my fist at the heavens. The last thing I wanted to do was find some creative outlet for my emotions, like a blog or something - there was a dire need for some unbridled outward pouring of anger, mostly directed towards inanimate objects (because I don't hurt animals, and fighting people would send me to jail).

And here I am, returning finally to this Nuisance Log with the long-awaited Part 2. My subject this time around is my supreme hatred of wires, string, yarn, and all things that get knotted and tangled. It totally drives me berzerk.

The other day I was in a passenger terminal at an airport waiting for my flight. The flight was delayed for several hours, so I was all ready pissed off that I had to spend the afternoon sitting in a smelly passenger terminal. I pulled my iPod out to listen to some tunes only to find that the whole iPod/headphone assembly had congealed into a tangled mess of wires, velcro, and strings.

I had stowed everything neatly and methodically the night before to avoid this situation. I positioned all of my wires and electronics and stringed things in such a way as to avoid other wires and stringed things. I carried my bag lovingly, delicately, like a birthday cake fresh from the bakery, to avoid any jostling of its contents.

Apparently, none of these precautions were of any use whatsoever. I might as well have just tossed everything in there haphazardly and started doing spastic jumping jacks.

The inside of my backpack must have gone through a cyclone or something - everything had come undone and knotted around everything else in my bag. My headphones were wrapped and knotted around themselves and my toiletry bag; the iPod armband had unvelcroed itself and reattached somehow to a pair of socks; my laptop charger was also knotted around itself several times, and the whole mess of wires was intertwined in an intricate, shitty dance of wires, velcro, string, yarn, and shoelaces somehow. Shoelaces?!

In a fit of pure, scarlet rage I yanked everything out of there. It was all balled up, so everthing emptied out onto the terminal floor with one good pull. I spent about twenty seconds trying to untangle the mess before I got frustrated to the point of no return to sanity. My next step was to reach for my trusty Gerber multitool with the wire-clipping attachment. Yup, time to say goodby to my fancy Bose headphones, the shoelaces that magically appeared in my bag (I swear I didn't pack any spare shoelaces), and that lone-wolf sock that just didn't jive with the others in my checked bag and had to be sequestered in my carry-on.

I started snipping away, giggling, on the floor of the passenger terminal. I reduced my Bose headphones to a neat pile of tiny wire fragments, the shoelaces became nothing more than a pleasant mound of fuzz, the sock was mutilated beyond recognition. I sat on the floor admiring my destruction. I had effectively lightened my load, relieved all stress, and inched ever closer to becoming a full-time mental patient.